aefa.yeswiki.pro : Venting

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“I have to express this.” he told me. He was angry as we waited outside for a late night pizza delivery. His eyes got hard and he started to vent. He ranted against Big and the situation. He raged against the fact that he knows he offers the world and still I won’t take it from him. He vented over time and time again losing someone he loved as they stepped off into their happily ever after without him. He went on until he was spent, and I just listened. He has the right to say these things. He has the right to be angry. And he has the right to tell me.

Finally, he slowed down. “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the situation.” he told me. And he softened. He went on to talk about how I deserve so much more. How I deserve to be happy. How I deserve the world. After his rightful anger, I didn’t know what to do with that. And then he asked me “Don’t you think you deserve more?”

And I looked at him and told him the truth. Right now I deserve no more. In fact, right now I deserve to be on my own for acting like such a brat over this. I deserve to lose them both because neither of them deserves to be juggled like this. I would deserve it if he walked off into the night right now and never let me come back.

And the night fell silent. His anger had faded and all that was left was us.

He told me again that he’d wait. That he is committed to getting through this with me. That he will do whatever it takes. And I wondered to myself why he doesn’t believe he deserves more, but couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud.

Then the pizza delivery came and we went inside. And we haven’t mentioned it again since.

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